Face Your Fears

From Brad

The thought alone can keep you up at night. It makes your heart pound, your palms sweat, and your stomach tighten. You try to avoid thinking about it, and may go to great lengths to keep from seeing it or experiencing it. It is what you fear most. Depending on your life experience it could be almost anything. Common fears include flying, snakes, spiders, heights, elevators, large crowds, or public speaking. Many fears are universal and shared by most human beings. They are the result of an evolutionary learned survival response that kept your cave-dwelling ancestors alive. For example, it is beneficial to your survival to be afraid of things that can harm you, such as poisonous animals, large predators, or closed spaces where you would be unable to escape if attacked. Other fears are conditioned responses from your own life and may be the direct result of a traumatic event you have experienced. For example, you might feel anxious about driving after being in a car accident, fear storms after living through a tornado or hurricane, or fear close relationships after being hurt by someone you trusted.

   

Sometimes, however, our fears can take on a life of their own. They can become excessive and irrational, far surpassing their usefulness. We may generalize them to situations in which we are perfectly safe. When fears are exaggerated and interfere with one’s normal routine or quality of life, they may constitute an anxiety disorder. Some anxiety disorders are related to specific fears like those mentioned above, and others are less specific. We may have an entire menu of worries that we shuffle through from moment to moment and day to day. We may experience panic attacks, feeling overwhelmed and immobilized by anxiety, a racing heart, chest pains, shortness of breath, and fear we are dying or going crazy. In this case, the fear of having a panic attack becomes the thing that we fear most, and to avoid shame or embarrassment we may decide it is best if we don’t leave home.

With anxiety disorders, a situation, event, or fear trigger is interpreted as life threatening when it is not likely to cause us harm. The intensity of our anxiety surpasses the degree of threat we are facing or are likely to face. When our brains interpret a situation as threatening, we are biologically hardwired to have a fear response that sends chemicals throughout our body mobilizing us to fight or flee. As such, we try to escape the situation, push through it, or become frozen in fear.

It makes total sense to avoid thinking about, seeing, touching, or experiencing the things that scare us. After all, that is what we are conditioned to do. However, when fears are irrational or are interfering with our quality of life, avoiding them just feeds them and keeps them locked firmly in place. When it comes to overcoming our fears, avoidance is our worst enemy. Ironically, the only way to overcome a fear is to face it. This sounds scary at first, but the fact is all of us have overcome many fears in our lives, and that is exactly how we did it. For example, think back to a time in your life when you were nervous or fearful about trying something new. Maybe it was your first day at school, interviewing for a job, trying out for a sport, going on a first date, or giving a speech. After taking the plunge, chances are your worst fears were not realized, or if they were, you survived them anyway. This gave you a mastery experience and boosted your confidence, or at worse taught you at least one way you shouldn’t approach a challenge next time. This same technique can be used to tackle the most debilitating anxieties. But just like walking into class and meeting your teacher and classmates for the very first time in elementary school, it takes courage.

 

Here are some suggestions for helping you face your fears:

• Pay attention to what you say to yourself about the feared thing or situation. Typically we don’t stop to observe the chatter between our ears. When we don’t pay attention to our automatic self-talk we are at its mercy.

• Evaluate the accuracy of your thinking. Just because it pops into your head doesn’t mean it is true. What is the evidence that your assumption is true or not true? Is there a better explanation? What’s the worse thing that could happen? Could you live through it? What’s the most realistic thing that will happen? If a friend or loved one was in this situation and had this thought, what would you tell him or her?

• Practice using relaxation techniques. Deep breathing, meditation, calming self-talk, and prayer have all been shown to initiate relaxation responses. Having one or more of these techniques at your disposal will come in handy when you experience a stressful thought or situation.

• Break down the feared event or activity into smaller parts and tackle them one at a time. While some fears can be taken on all at once, bigger ones might require you to take smaller steps. For example, if you have a fear of public speaking and have been asked to give a toast at a wedding in a few months, it might help to practice giving your speech to the mirror, a friend or partner, or a small group of friendly faces before the event. Each time you give it and are successful, your anxiety will lessen.

If your anxiety persists and is interfering with your life, seek professional help. The good news is that all anxiety disorders can be treated successfully.